He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
