Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
