I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
