I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
