a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
