I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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