So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
