Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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