is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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