Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
