i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
