Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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