so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
