Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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