He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I look better un-naked...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
