I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
