I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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