I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
No stitches, just platelets and will power
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
