Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
