is your mom at the bar?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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