I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
