Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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