My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
