U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
