we're blogging at a bar
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
