I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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