Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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