i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
