May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My liver just had a heart attack.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
third nipple confirmed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
