Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
