I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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