are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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