How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
