You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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