So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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