I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
