Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
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