Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
