I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
