Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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