Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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