You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
