True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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