the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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