hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
