The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
