grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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