I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
