and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I supernannyed him into submission
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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