There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
