So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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