Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
And then he peed in my hair
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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