What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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