so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
