i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
