dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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