Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
