my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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